Britney Spears enters academic world

In an unprecedented move by Baruch to boost the reputation of its information technology major, the college has announced that Britney Spears will teach a class in "Artificial Intelligence and Robotics" this fall.

Or rather, a robot that looks and talks exactly like Britney Spears. The project is funded by The Betty Ford Celebrity Rehab Center and Spears' recording label. By partnering with Baruch College, the program is a novel way to facilitate the star's problematic rehab. "I'm willing to try anything once … and I mean anything," the strung-out, bald-headed star was quoted as saying.

The idea is to provide Spears with a completely different image of her total potential. If Spears sees herself as a robot, teaching a complex class in artificial intelligence and interacting with students in a rational and logical way, it might remap her consciousness into acting like a normal human. "Think of it as a kind of visual shock therapy," said Quigley Persnoot, spokesperson for the Ford Center. "If this doesn't work," he said, "the next step is to implant microchips in her brain."

There is even some buzz around the potential for a robot reality show. Fox Network is watching this closely. Tentatively titled Robot Reality Rehab, the show would have celebrity robots Lindsay Lohan teaching rocket science, Nicole Ritchie instructing brain surgery and Eliot Spitzer with a class on the lasting impact of Puritan philosophy in American Society.

Students are generally enthusiastic and intrigued by having a celebrity instructor - even if she's plastic. Mala Roy, 19 and an IT major, wondered how the Spears robot would work. "I mean, are they going to, like, pull a really, really long string right before class?" she asked.

Not exactly. Marcel Duchamp, a Baruch IT student who worked on the initial Britney prototype (Britney Bot 1.0), described how he encoded a series of nano chips with lesson plans. Britney Bot is programmed to be spontaneous and answer class questions. Students are in no danger of being kidnapped. She will be able to take attendance by scanning the room and recording the imprint of students' irises. Birtney Bot will also be able to sense students' comprehension and keep a running grade total that is constantly monitored and updated. Points are deducted if you stare at her chest.

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